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College is an unforgettable time for most of us—it’s the time we come into our own, begin to chart unique paths, and form lasting memories and relationships. Many adults remember their college years fondly, appreciating freedom, independence, reinvention, and fun.
But is this experience reserved for those who attend schools outside the state? Does it have to start in a distant dorm, or can children have the same transformative experience by attending a state college or even living at home? As a former admissions officer who has observed both perspectives, I can confidently say that children can enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime experience, no matter how far from home they are. Let’s explore this further.
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Redefining the college experience
Let’s first define the “real college experience.” It includes three core components: Students live independently, form new connections beyond childhood bonds, and navigate their independence through self-directed decision making and learning from mistakes. When we consider these elements, it becomes obvious that students can experience that special, transformative college journey without putting hundreds of miles between themselves and their parents. In fact, sometimes students still rely on their parents even when they are separated by hundreds of miles, which I can personally attest to. As a college student, I often took laundry home to wash from Boston to Connecticut. On the other hand, even a distance of two miles can provide that necessary sense of freedom and autonomy.
As I have often advised students, the campus environment is a new experience for everyone, regardless of college. The sense of wonder and excitement is palpable for every student who takes their first steps on campus. They are surrounded by colleagues from different backgrounds, each with their own stories, perspectives and aspirations. The campus is a hub of activity, with countless clubs, organizations and events catering to various interests. Whether it’s joining a sports team, attending a cultural festival, or volunteering for a cause, campus is always buzzing and students have many ways to get involved.
Furthermore, it is also a place of growth and self-discovery. Away from the familiarity of home and without their parents, students are pushed out of their comfort zones and encouraged to take risks, try new things and challenge themselves. This process of self-exploration and personal development is an integral part of the university experience and is not exclusive to international students.
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The advantages of staying close to home
Staying closer to home for college has several advantages. One of the main advantages of attending a state college is the cost. Tuition costs rise from a few thousand to $40,000 when attending an out-of-state school. This is especially important considering the “first year moment,” where some students get caught up in the excitement of newfound freedom. They may not take academics seriously and have to repeat courses, prolonging their education by about a year and, therefore, increasing costs for their families. On the other hand, with in-state tuition, students can enjoy lower costs during their first two years of college and then transfer to an out-of-state school to continue living the college dream for their senior years.
Staying closer to home also allows for a smoother transition into the responsibilities and challenges of college life. This can be especially helpful for those who are introverted or who have not had extensive independent living experience. Encouraging your child to become independent and leave comfort behind is key, but pushing them to dive headfirst into life on their own in a different state may be too much, too soon. Attending a school closer to home will allow them to gradually move out of their comfort zone at their own pace, with the emotional support of nearby family when they feel overwhelmed. Additionally, while out-of-state Ivy League schools may offer more comprehensive degrees, students hoping to start their careers in their home location may find it easier to network and access relevant career opportunities by attending an in-state college. To decide which option is best for your child and feasible for you financially, it’s important to have these conversations seriously and understand your child’s needs and goals first.
Related: Should Your Entrepreneurial Child Go to College?
Setting boundaries: The key to the college experience
Ultimately, whether your child moves thousands of miles away or stays at home, the only way to truly let them have that exploratory college experience is to respect their independence and establish healthy boundaries. While it may be difficult to see them leave the nest, giving them the freedom to fully embrace this part of their lives is essential to their growth. It’s important to allow them to make their own mistakes by letting them know you’re there to support them from a distance, even if they’re just in the next room. Create this distance by avoiding micromanaging their decisions and resisting the temptation to constantly check on them. Trust your child to navigate their college experience and discover their true potential as independent emerging adults.