My father died in 2021 without a will. He shared a house with his second wife. The house is financed in both their names with a small amount of equity ($40,000). She moved out of state shortly after his death. I moved into the house and have been paying the bill ever since.
He cannot afford the monthly payments. I am the second in a row as his only child. I need a place to live while I fix up the other house. My FICO FICO score,
it is very poor, but it will increase when I pay off my house in 2025 or 2026. I want to do what is right, but he hasn’t answered me the last two times I called. She knew the house was financed, but English is her second language and she doesn’t trust me.
Her children can’t help her. I gave them the opportunity to sell it to me, keep it for her and make payments, or sell it outright. They thought about it for two months, but they moved her and some furniture and I moved in. Now no one answers me.
I would appreciate your help. The house is located in New Mexico.
Stepdaughter
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“Think carefully about making a financial decision based on your emotional attachment to this home.”
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Dear stepdaughter,
You don’t say whether your father purchased this house before or during their marriage, or whether your stepmother’s name is on the deed, but the end result is the same if both are mortgaged: this house is considered joint property, and as such, your stepmother is the sole owner. In New Mexico, if a person dies and leaves behind a spouse and children, the spouse receives 100% of the community property and one-quarter of the separate property, with the children receiving the remainder.
Why do you want to buy your father’s house? Does it have sentimental value or do you think you’ll get a good deal from your stepmother and be able to rent it? Think carefully before making a financial decision based on any emotional attachment to this home. Most people process their grief and recover within a year after a loss, but it can take even longer, according to the National Institutes of Health. Some people experience a prolonged grieving process. You should only buy this house if it makes financial sense.
After the death of a loved one, we may decide that our unhappiness can be alleviated or resolved if we change other things in our lives. In your case, it could be buying your father’s house because he loved that house and you don’t want it to fall into the hands of strangers. It’s understandable, but you may feel differently later. For other people, it might mean changing jobs – although most people have things they like or don’t like about their jobs – or selling personal items that remind them of their missing relative.
Start the succession process
You need a place to live right now while your home is being renovated, but I urge you to give your all with the probate and contact the Surrogate’s Court or County Court so an administrator can be appointed for the estate of your father. Your stepmother dropped the ball and, for reasons known only to her, moved abroad. You could also petition the probate court to appoint you as administrator of your father’s estate. In any case, it’s time to focus on your father’s estate rather than paying the mortgage on his house.
As his only child, you will be entitled to three-quarters of his separate estate, but this does not include his house, as he shared it with his wife. I assume if he’s on the mortgage, he’s on the deed. Most couples would own a property as joint tenants with rights of survivorship. Assuming all of this is true, you are paying the mortgage on a property that he doesn’t own. You’re pushing the can down the road until you can no longer afford to pay for two houses. It is better to spend this money on your home.
Now is the time to focus on your financial and emotional well-being. Any assets held in a trust, accounts payable on death, or life insurance policies with a listed beneficiary will avoid probate. Keeping your credit card balances low and paying your debts and bills on time will help you build your FICO score. Avoid opening new credit cards or closing old ones in an effort to improve your credit score. Always check your credit report for errors and find out what caused your score to be so low in the first place. (You can read more on the FICO website.)
You say you want to do what’s right. If you continue to pay off this house, you are paying off someone else’s debt. Given your credit score and the fact that you have another house to take care of, it doesn’t make sense to place responsibility for your stepmother’s house. She has left town and is incommunicado. It’s time to put yourself first. I have no doubt that your father would have wanted to see you financially stable, living in your own home without the stress and strain of having to own his house.
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.
The Moneyist regrets that it cannot answer questions individually.
Previous articles by Quentin Fottrell:
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I have $1.5 million in stocks and bonds. I asked my broker to convert my bonds into cash. He didn’t and my portfolio dropped by $100,000. Can I sue?
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