My mother taught me to never hold a grudge. In practice it turned out to be more difficult than in theory: my mother-in-law gave me a “diamond” ring and said she wanted me to have it for everything I did for her. I thanked her and let her know that she makes me happy when she is happy.
When I took the ring to a jeweler to have it resized, the gemologist told me it was a fake – in fact – it’s costume jewelry (their words). I was stunned. Is this a new form of evil? I’m trying to find a word, but I can’t understand it.
There seems to be a sense of entitlement towards my mother-in-law rather than, say, passive-aggressive behavior. She expects VIP service from her family. If she does one nice thing, she’ll look up to the whole world for the next 10 years. What should I do?
Daughter in law
Related: “Death and money bring out the worst in people”: My stepmother wants me to give up my rights to my late father’s property. How can I handle this situation gracefully?
“The price of this stone depends exclusively on the value you place on it.”
MarketWatch illustration
Dear daughter-in-law,
Fake diamonds are not a daughter-in-law’s best friend.
A gemologist identifies a fake diamond; a psychologist can detect a false relationship. You are neither a gemologist nor a psychologist, yet you seem to be drawing a line between the two. It’s hard to spot a fake, and your mother-in-law is not a gemologist.
The price of this stone depends exclusively on the value you attribute to it. It could mean that your mother-in-law is trying to show her gratitude or, perhaps less likely, that she is using it as a sly comment on your relationship (“you, my dear, are as fake as this ring”).
Your mother was right about not holding a grudge. She might also say that, without evidence to the contrary, it’s best to think the best of people (unless she’s someone trying to convince you to invest in cryptocurrencies). Choose to believe that your mother-in-law acted in good faith.
According to Mike Fried, CEO of The Diamond Pro, lab-produced cubic zirconia lacks the natural imperfections of diamonds. And the zircons? “They are usually considered ‘too perfect’ or fake-looking.” But that may not be true for civilians who don’t have his eye or experience.
Both diamonds and cubic zirconia can scratch glass
In fact, the common method to tell if a diamond is real or fake is to see if it will scratch glass. Your mother-in-law may have tried, but she may not be aware that cubic zirconia and quartz also scratch glass, helping them masquerade as a gemstone.
But there is a big difference between cubic zirconia and a diamond in price and provenance. The former is a synthetic material and the latter is a precious stone. A three-carat cubic zirconia ring could sell for $300, while a three-carat diamond could sell for $25,000 to $125,000.
Diamonds sparkle and have a higher refractive index of light, Fried adds. “It is possible to get cubic zirconia wet, but repeated exposure to water will damage the stone. It is best to take off your cubic zirconia jewelry when doing water-related activities such as washing dishes, bathing and swimming.
Ruining a precious memory by revealing the ring’s provenance
What does all this mean? Diamonds and cubic zirconia can cut glass, but you might want to cut your mother-in-law some slack. She did a nice thing. If we were all to play Jessica Fletcher or Hercule Poirot, we might discover a new gift or that an author’s signature on a book is fake.
Suppose this ring was given to your mother-in-law by her husband or another relative. Is it worth erasing a precious memory of that relationship by revealing that the ring is not a precious stone? Maybe she wasn’t sure where it came from, but she wanted you to appreciate it.
Would you have been as excited to receive this ring if you had known in advance that it was costume jewelry? Even vintage jewelry can cost a pretty penny and be faked by unscrupulous dealers, and can be just as beautiful (if not expensive) as a diamond, ruby, or sapphire.
The fake jewelry industry is increasingly sophisticated
Even alleged diamonds and rubies can be accompanied by fake certificates of authenticity. Just ask this New York tourist who allegedly tricked him into paying $1 million for a range of “worthless composites” of rubies from East Africa with heat treatment and improved clarity of lead glass .
Your mother-in-law’s “diamond” ring is a drop in the ocean. The imitation jewelry market size is valued at over $16.7 billion worldwide, and among all regions, North America is expected to experience the largest increase in compound annual growth (nearly 7% ) over the next six years.
Jewelry experts say Tiffany, Cartier and Van Cleef are globally recognized and highly sought-after brands; as such, counterfeiters are eager to copy them in the same way they churn out fake (and often poorly made) Gucci, Louis Vuitton LVMHF,
and Hermes RMS,
luggage.
Give yourself VIP treatment and wear your mother-in-law’s ring with as much pomp and pride as if it were the $80 million Wittelsbach-Graff diamond. The biggest myth spread by the diamond industry is that the value of your relationship is reflected in the value of your ring.
This ring cost you nothing, but it gave you a priceless story.
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.
The Moneyist regrets that it cannot answer questions individually.
Previous articles by Quentin Fottrell:
My friend invited me to a concert at Carnegie Hall. After I accepted, he said, “It would be nice if you took me to dinner.” It’s normal?
“Our American Dream Turned into a Nightmare”: I sold my house, but rising interest rates and prices put me out of the market. What can I do?
I borrowed $20,000 from my mother in 1996, but only paid back $5,000. She deducted the entire loan from my inheritance. I need that money. And now?
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